Once again, they ran out of prime rib just before they got to me. With no prime rib left to serve the only rockstar room, I cried my prime rib tears on a plate of replacement chicken. Why does this always happen to me? After all, I am DJ Kenny freakin’ Casanova, right? I am the one playing the tunes! Do you want me to play all Barry Manilow?

This time, despite being an officially invited guest and friend of the bride with my RSVP of beef, I still got the chicken. The waitress even stopped by my table first and asked, “what would you like; prime rib or chicken?” However, I knew her deal. I had her number. No matter what I was going to say to answer this routine question, she knew exactly what she was going to serve before she even asked the question. I was going to get the bird regardless, and knowing that made me want to give her the bird, in return.

I get no respect, and I get no prime rib.

Is this a conspiracy theory against Kenny Casanova, Prime Rib lover and enthusiast extraordinaire?

First off, I am a man. Prime Rib is my absolute favorite!!! You don’t even have to ask the question, chicken or beef. However, I think they do to somehow almost rub it in my face or something.

Granted, I know I am supposed to be working. I know I am supposed to be doing my job and technically not enjoying the same inch and a half thick mound of meat that everyone else around me is devouring. However, why do they ask me if I want the beef or chicken, and always say that they ran out, if it isn’t a power play by the man trying to hold the funk soul brother DJ down?

Just like Rodney, I get no respect.

As a wedding DJ, you would think I would get the scrumptious pink piece of meat dish every weekend, but yet somehow, I rather always get the shaft…

MY THEORY – This “chicken switch” practice is not at all unusual. Many halls ironically always run out of the prime rib, just before they get to me. Is this a coincidence? Many halls rarely give the DJ and other wedding professionals their best dishes, as a means of cutting costs and offering a discount to the bride and groom on their food bill. However, for the purpose of my blog and for the purpose of word of mouth recommendation from a wedding professional who can be influential to clients who may be looking for a recommendation, this sucks.

DON’T MAKE ME CHICKEN REVIEW YOU INSTEAD OF BEEF- I can’t speak on a hall’s very best dish and give a client an idea of whether you should book a hall or not out of delisciousness, when I am not reviewing their very best dish, EVER.

Don’t you want to put your best foot forwards, or are you afraid you can’t make a piece of beef that can get a good review?

HOW CAN I REVIEW YOUR BEST FOR MY BLOG? – Be forewarned! When a different dish than I have requested is forced on me, I don’t always eat it. Therefore, I may have to default on a drunk bridesmaid to step in, for the purpose of reviewing the hall for my blog. Maybe this bridesmaid will be one who doesn’t care much for the hall’s chicken dish served with mandarin garnish. One who will offer quotes for my blog with her opinion openly saying the chicken was, “plain, a little on the tough side, and really cold.” One who makes a Chef Ramsay food review look good…

Mind you, the drunk bridesmaid may have had so much to drink that all she could taste by dinner was probably rum. In this case, the hall can risk that my audience can either take her review or leave it, and tell everyone to just consider the source.

BOTTOM LINE: Don’t ask me what I want to eat, then say you ran out and give me something else. That $#i!! just teases me. Also, realize that I yeild the power of the pen in these blogs. If you cheap out and chicken me after offering the prime rib, know that I won’t jump to eat it right away. Then, by the time I actually get to the chicken and it actually is cold, know that this will hurt your grade even more and I will likely just bring it home for my dog.

Incidently, my dog will nine times out of ten say, “I love this piece of chicken,” when I give him the replacement cheap dish. You may think, well at least we will get a good review from the DJ’s dog, however, consider the source yourself. This is the same dog who also licks his butt on a regular basis.

(The opinions above are the exclusive opinions of DJ Kenny Casanova immediately after being handed chicken, expecting a huge piece of steak. While some of what is being expressed above is completely true yet in saterical form, the words are not the official opinions of TheDJservice.com.)